Why Not You?

Not exactly what you'd want to hear when you're wallowing in self-pity.  More often then I'd like to admit, the thought of "Why Me?" comes into my head.  Although, I think I've become a professional at convincing others that I don't ever have this internal dialogue.  I have to be honest, I absolutely positively do.  Lately, though, I find myself doing more of the pep talk.  I stop myself on the way down into my pity hole with phrases like, "This too shall pass."  "It's like this right now, but it won't be like this forever."  (That's one of my favorites.)  I start to see the light at the end of the tunnel only to be rained on by the reality of my palms getting sweaty and my pump vibrating as a reminder to check my sugar.  I recognize that my life is good; that it could be much worse.  I'm very grateful that I've been living with diabetes for 22 years and I don't have ANY complications.  So, for this, I'm grateful.  But it doesn't make the day to day LIVING with diabetes any easier.

I have very wise people in my world; my husband is at the top of this list.  But my Grandma (my mother's mother), always says just the right thing at just the right moment.  I spend most mornings, on my commute to work, talking to my mother while my grandmother is in the background clinking her spoon against her coffee cup.  Every now and then, I call completely unraveled.  My grandmother gets on the phone and something about the sound of her voice, the years of life experience that ribbon through her words, that gives me instant peace.  She reminds me that no one said life would be easy.  She encourages me to remember that I'm blessed in so many areas of my life; that even though I'm not pregnant yet, doesn't mean that it won't ever happen. 

I finish the call and her words echo through my soul.  No longer am I asking, "Why me?"  but rather "Why NOT me?"